Poem written about a recurring dream.

I hope somewhere you know
How my lips
Still curl into a snarl
All jagged teeth, and dripping venom
At the sight of one who did you so wrong

Yes, the years lost
To silence and bad blood
Have now grown long
With the vastness and sorrow
Of our dead and buried time
Echoing through the dark
And wounded corners of our minds

Walls of silence
And monuments to regret
Built between you and I
Like how sometimes at night
In that house, behind closed doors
I could hear you cry

Or how I described life in the aftermath
And the loss we forged
And the hacking of so many cords
Like waking up with a goddamn kidney stone
Every day for an entire year of my life

And you remember those
Don’t you, my love?
With me crying on the bathroom floor
And writhing in pain
Pissing blood and aching for days

You were there too
Calm and steady
Lying in that grimy bed
Right next to me
Waiting for the painkillers to kick in
And the coming of restless sleep

I still tell the story of that time
Every once and a while
I hope somewhere you know
How when I tell it, I smile
I can never tell it without laughing

“Yeah, you should have seen
The way zie glared at the nurse
When she had the goddamn nerve
To make fun of me for being in pain.
You know them
You know the face they make”

“We all know how wimpy men can be about pain
Don’t we, dear?”
And you glaring and deadpan
“Are we quite finished here?”

Three years, and 2,675 miles
And I wouldn’t even know what to say
If we were ever to meet
In some warm and longing place
In the land beneath the fathomless deep
And misplaced hate
We held for so long

I dream that dream sometimes
I doubt you know
It’s the same scene night after night
You and I
Living some less ruined lives
Meeting in warmer times
With open arms and loving eyes

I’ll say how I loved you
Deeper than blood
Like I loved few before
And in the years that went by
The ache of that loss
Has yet to subside

I’ll say how I hope you finally
Got yourself a good night’s rest
And how I hope your battered body
Finally found a way to be on the mend
I hope somewhere your fingers
Are picking at tender banjo strings
I hope all your bad dreams don’t linger
And I hope your life is filled with beautiful things

I may be feeling all alone out here
Living like an exile
Wandering through the fog
Or a modern day Flying Dutchman
Forever lost
But I’m lifetimes away from
Who I was back
When you and I met for the first time
And how lucky am I for that?

I hope it’s warm where you are
And I hope you’re not alone
I hope wherever the wind takes you
You always find your way safely home

I said it once
Tonight I’ll say it one more time
I can still see the way
Your awkward teeth show when you smile
And I can still hear the sound you make
When you laugh
With our hearts as our shields
And our lights that never went out
But never quite enough
We move on and on

Give holy thanks
To the bliss of busted hearts
And the strength to walk the other way

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